Felice

I've lost her.

I don't know what to do.

What can I do?

Is it simply too late?

Have I damaged our relationship so completely that it is beyond repair?

Should I keep trying to pull it all together or has any chance of salvaging our love been lost forever?

In my heart I fear the worst.

She has made it abundantly clear that she neither wants to talk to me nor see me.

The true depth of her mistrust, anger and resentment is what I am unsure of.

The "other" shattered pieces of my life are ssslllooowwwly being pieced back together. It's a LONG process and very emotionally draining on me. It might seem easier if only I could talk with her. Share a few treasured moments in each others presence. We could go out to a movie or have dinner together. I could leave my troubled mind and overwhelming problems back at home, even if only for a few hours.

Instead, I am drowning in them 24 hours a day. I have no escape.

I miss her more than breath. It feels like there is a giant hole through the center of my life.

To make matters worse, if that's even possible, the never-ending onslaught of bad news just continues...

My Unemployment Claim was denied back in September. I have had no source of income since August 8th.

It is now the END of October.

My savings are completely depleted. I deposited my first paycheck in over 2 months into my bank account just one hour ago.

It was for a little over $200.00.

I had an interview for a second hotel position yesterday afternoon. It went very well. I think there is a good possibility that I got the position. The Assistant GM was very friendly and open with me. I'll give her a call this afternoon. If I get it, I could be working some double shifts between the 2 hotels.

The daily trudge continues, and continues, and...